Let’s say you got away from the toxic person in your life, but that you haven’t gotten their imprint out of your mind yet.
Here’s the thing- in the past, I have started and stopped ten too many endeavors because of a lack of faith in myself. Any time I did convince myself to dip my toes in the water of trying something new, I immediately felt unworthy of whatever it was I was doing.
Stay at home, thoughts? Guilt. “I’m not doing enough. Not contributing enough. Not living enough. Thin patience, thick to do list. I’m home, the house should be perfect, it’s not. I’m a failure. I’m a failure.”
Work 40+ hours? More guilt. “Not bonding enough. Not making enough memories. Missing out on precious time. Too tired to play at night, and running late every morning. I’m a failure. I’m a failure.”
And while I felt unworthy in all of the adventures I’ve been on, I simultaneously self sabotaged and put myself into this permanent state of NEVER being satisfied.
Here’s how the mental cycle goes:
- Start something new.
- Decide you’re not good enough for it.
- Fall into a state of discontent.
- Decide you need to dust off and try again.
Does it sound familiar?
Could that be linked to childhood?
Could it be linked to your ex spouse?
Your ex boss?
Your ex best friend?
The answer is yes, on all accounts.
Anyone who leaves you feeling like you’ll never be quite good enough is capable of planting the seed of this cycle in your mind, and if you allow it,it will grow into ivy that wraps around every thought process you have.
Here’s the kicker that you might not want to hear:
Going no contact is not even a fraction of the work.
I said it, I’m sorry. I know that cutting toxic people out of your life is a tremendous feat- but it is nothing if you are left with a low lease on life and don’t do the work to repair yourself. It’s important to set healthy physical boundaries, but it is equally important to set mental boundaries with yourself as well. There will always be someone who can’t see your worth, don’t let it be you.
So fix it, starting now. If I convince you to do nothing else, and these are the only words of mine you ever read- just know you are worthy, and you are loved.. and you need to start believing it too. Just do it.